by Andy Hunsaker
Fancast Movies
It's been a weird time for Mike Myers, and you can tell by watching him on the promotional tour for The Love Guru, his first attempt at something new in years. It's fairly obvious that, after Entertainment Weekly published their big and not-often-flattering exposé on the man, his appearances on the talk shows have been designed to try and smooth over any damage to his reputation that it might have caused. He's been subdued and a little awkward, making it a point to sound humble, repeating the talking point about how he's very lucky to do what he does and to have had any success at it.
Whether or not that's spin or truth, it's a good attitude to have, because The Love Guru may mark one of the first times he's had virtually no success at doing what he does (even So I Married An Axe Murderer has a cult following). After watching this movie, though, most of the initial blame has to fall on rookie director Marco Schnabel rather than finding any true fault with Myers' new kooky character. Perhaps Myers was trying to scale himself back from his unpleasant rep as a perfectionist taskmaster during the production, because this film is far from perfect. In fact, it doesn't even feel finished. It feels like a rough cut that somebody forgot to clean up. Maybe his uncertain appearances have been due to the fact that he knows he's on the hook, in uncouth ruffian parlance, to polish this turd.
It could've worked. A dorky white kid grows up in India under the tutelage of a kooky guru named (groan) Tugginmypuddha (Ben Kingsley, who we'll say is slumming here - watch The Wackness instead). Said dork grows into Guru Pitka, teaching the same philosophy, yet trying to cash in on it in order to get on Oprah (who wisely stayed out of this - they had to get a voice impersonator). Said Guru Pitka is hired by owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) to tend to the mental and spiritual needs of the Toronto Maple Leafs' star player Darren Roanoake (Romany Malco), who can't play because he broke up with his wife Prudence (Meagan Good), who is now dating their opponent in the Stanley Cup Finals, Jacques "The Coq" (Justin Timberlake). It might have been funny. Yet this was not to be.
There are a small smattering of chuckles, but it feels like a truly slipshod mess, poorly edited and often disjointed, like the worst of all Saturday Night Live sketch movies. An example of this goes back to what Myers said to Conan O'Brien when setting up one of the 874 bad midget jokes in this movie. He claimed that Verne Troyer's character, Coach Punch Cherkov, is a horrible, horrible person. This is ostensibly to justify the fact that Guru Pitka does nothing but mock him for his midgetry*. However, there is no sense that Coach Cherkov is anything more than mildly surly, thus making Guru Pitka a tremendously unlikable jackass. It's possible Myers hasn't even seen Schnabel's final cut yet. And no, sharing a name with a great director like Julian Schnabel doesn't transfer talent.
At least in past Myers goof-fests, the supporting cast had a little something to do, like Michael Caine in Goldmember. The supporting cast in The Love Guru is entirely one-dimensional. Malco is there to be black (because black hockey players, of course, are an hilarious concept), which is made sadder when remembering how good he was in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Troyer is there to be small, because if you took all the jokes at his expense out of the film, it would be ten minutes long. Alba is there to be attractive, which is generally why she is anywhere, but I digress. There's nothing doing with anyone that isn't Myers, and not even small parts from Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan can lift the spirits. The circulated notion that he was trying to balance comedy with a spiritual message in this movie seems simply ludicrous, as the only thing anyone will likely take away from this film is a desire to shave.
Myers has done enough good work that he's allowed a misfire here and there without a complete career sinkage, and he certainly does seem rusty and off his game in The Love Guru. He'd better not fumble the next one, though, or people will start to talk.
*If that's not a word, it should be. Also of note, the preferred term may be "little person," but that term seems to be more patronizing and condescending than 'midget,' much like using the term "African-American" for any black person. Charlize Theron is African-American.
